FAQ: Your dream gown on a budget

Many people have asked me about my wedding gown; what did I pick, where did I find it, how much did it cost?  I've been saving this story, because my gown was my absolute dream gown, and how I got it is one of the things I'm most proud of from all of the things I did for our wedding (DIY projects included).

Every bride has a different budget.  We definitely had a budget.  To stay within that budget, we made some sacrifices:  I had my cousin shoot our wedding video instead of having the 8 mm professional film done that I really wanted, I made some more affordable vendor choices, etc.  And I did not want to spend a small fortune on my gown, even if I could afford to.

I found my dream gown right away.  It was Melissa Sweet and it cost almost $5000.  I was not willing to pay $5000 (although I am sure I would have, had I not found a solution, and my mother said we would make it work if that was the gown I wanted).  I am a girl who can justify spending $200 on jeans, buying a shirt at Anthropologie that would buy me 3 shirts somewhere else, and getting a pedicure two weeks in a row.  But I couldn't justify $5000 for a wedding dress without at least trying to find a more affordable option first.

I went to two different bridal salons, and neither offered me much of a reduction.  The lowest they would go was $4500 and that didn't include alterations or sales tax.  I watch "Say Yes To The Dress" like every other bride, and I know things can be done, so I walked away.  I started looking on the internet, looking into buying the dress used, and called around to other salons.  In my internet research, I found a website called Bridepower, which is basically a wedding gown search service.  You tell them what gown you are looking for and pay a $50 fee.  If they don't find the gown, you get a refund.  If they find and you purchase a gown, they keep the fee.  The gowns are reduced up to 40% from retail price, and are in great condition (most were never worn or used in any way).

So I signed up with Bridepower.  And a couple of days later I received a call from Leslie, the owner saying, that she also owned a bridal salon in Boston called Vows where she sells sample gowns.  She had found my gown in my size in her store in perfect condition.  Since she found it in her store she told me I would not have to pay the $50 fee, the gown would be over 50% off, and I paid no sales tax!  I paid $50 for shipping, but that was it.  Leslie assured me that the gown was in excellent condition, but if once I got it I found that not to be the case, she would fully refund my money.  It seemed too good to be true, or an answer to my prayers!

So I bought my dream gown and it was in perfect condition as promised.  It needed very little alterations (I think I spent $300, but I also had a bustle added and boob pads sewn inside the lining because I didn't want to wear a bra).  The total cost of my dream gown..... $1900!  Flat.  Done.  Sold.

Lesson:  a couple of weeks of waiting and internet research saved me over $3000 and got me my dream gown.  No one else had worn it and it was in perfect condition.  It didn't even need to be cleaned.  And I loved it.

Every bride deserves her dream gown, but no one said you always have to pay retail to get it!

Choosing your Ceremony Style

Obviously the most important part of your wedding day is the wedding ceremony itself (the part that actually makes you married)!  There are many types and styles of wedding ceremonies, and these days couples are essentially designing their own.  My husband and I did that.  We had already selected a beautiful outdoor venue but were denied by the Catholic Church to be able to have a priest perform a Catholic ceremony outside of a church.  So we decided to do our own thing in the venue we wanted, which we think turned out to be one of the best things that could have happened because it allowed us to completely personalize our ceremony and made it more meaningful for us.  At first we wanted to have someone we knew well marry us, but we also weren't 100% comfortable with asking someone who wasn't experienced in performing weddings to marry us just because they knew us.  In the end, we chose someone recommended to us by our venue, who turned out to be wonderful and just what we wanted in an officiant.

We then went to work deciding on the ceremony content.  We knew we wanted it to last about 30 minutes, not too long but not over in a flash.  We wanted a couple of meaningful readings.  We didn't want to write our own vows (too many nerves, emotions, and pressure!) but didn't want to say the traditional vows either.  We wanted to incorporate ideas that set our ceremony apart from the countless weddings we see on TV and have all been to...we wanted it to be more "us."  And we wanted to include our guests.  And after it was all said and done (literally) we had a beautiful, emotional, and sincere ceremony.  Isn't that the point?

Anyone who tells you that you can't do or say something you want to do or say in YOUR wedding should, in my humble opinion, be ignored.  Listen to what your heart tells you that you want to do and say.  It is your wedding, after all...

Here is a basic outline of what our ceremony consisted of, which was combined with our officiant's remarks:

-Warming of the Rings (Also called a Ringwarming Ceremony.  This was done during the prelude music prior to the ceremony.  Our rings were passed around all of our guests in a bird's nest and guests were asked to place their good thoughts and blessings on them)

The wedding rings are the strongest and most visable sign of the bond these two people are about to make. As these rings are passed amongst you, please hold them and give them your personal blessings. The ring warming means the rings will not only be a gift from the bride and groom to each other, but will be given with the love, support, and wisdom of all present.

-Prelude Music
-Processional
-Welcome Remarks and Opening Prayer (written and said by our officiant)

-First Reading:  “Why Marriage” by Mari Nichols-Haining, read by a family friend:
Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,

With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won't hold them against me,
Who loves me when I'm unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me...
Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold...
Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love in friendship...
Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements...
Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole...
Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...
Because of this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

-Group Declaration of Support for the Couple: (Guests respond by saying "We Do")
As family and friends,

You form a community of support
That surrounds ________ and _________
Each of you, by your presence here today
Is being called upon
To uphold them in loving each other
Always stand beside them, never between them
Offer them your love and your support
Not your judgment
Encourage them when encouragement is needed
And listen to them when they ask for advice
In these ways, you can honor this marriage
Into which they have come to be joined today
Do you offer your love and support
To strengthen their marriage
And bless this family created by their union?

{We Do.}

-Exchange of Vows:
I, bride/groom take you, groom/bride, to be my husband/wife, my constant friend, and my love from this day forward. I vow to be your faithful partner, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, in joy as well as sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, and to cherish and respect you. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.

-Exchange of Rings:
Groom, take Bride’s ring and place it on her finger and repeat after me:


I give you this ring as a sign that I choose you
To be my lover, my partner and my best friend, to the end of my days
Wear it, think of me, and know that I love you

Bride, take Grooms’s ring and place it on his finger and repeat after me:
I give you this ring as a sign that I choose you
To be my lover, my partner and my best friend, to the end of my days
Wear it, think of me, and know that I love you

-Second Reading:  A poem written for the couple and read by a family friend 
-Priestly Blessing
-Introduction of the Couple
-Recessional

Music is another important element (I think) in your wedding ceremony, so I am going to devote a future post just to the music itself.

 And because every post is better with a picture, here is one of our dear family friend and adopted grandmother Norma, reading the poem she wrote for us during our wedding:

Photo by Jennifer Roper

I'm engaged. Now what?

Getting engaged is one of the most exciting times if your life.  It can also become a suddenly overwhelming time.  You may want to announce your engagement, someone may throw you an engagement party, and then there is that thing called wedding planning...

There are a couple of important questions to ask yourself before you begin the planning process: 
1.  What type of wedding do you want to have?
2.  How many people do you want to invite?
3.  Who is paying?
4.  What is your budget?

The answers to questions 3 and 4 may impact the answers to 1 and 2.  If you want a wedding that may be more expensive but don't have the budget to cover it, you may need to cut the guest list.  If you want a small wedding, but your parents are paying and want a bigger wedding, you may have a problem deciding on a guest count. 

Once you answer those 4 starting questions, you should prioritize your vendors.  If food or photography are most important to you, they should receive a greater portion of your budget.  If that means you can't have a videographer or need to have a DJ rather than a band, then you prioritize accordingly.  Once you have set up your budget, you can begin to look for a venue and other vendors.

Unless you have a particular day that is special to you as a couple, it is best to choose a venue and pick a date for your wedding according to that venue's availability.  Once you have a venue and see how that fits into your budget, you can begin to look for other vendors.

There are resources that can assist you in looking for recommended wedding vendors.  A few of them are The Knot, Project Wedding, and if you are located in a more populated area I highly recommend Style Me Pretty's Little Black Book.  Many wedding blogs have a preferred vendor list, but keep in mind some of these vendors pay for the honor of being recommended, so always make sure you get references or recommendations from someone who has used that vendor, or check for reviews online of their services.

Sources differ on how many vendors from each group you should interview before making a deposit or signing a contract.  While I think it is very important to shop around, especially so you can compare prices and be sure that you are being charged a fair price, I only interviewed one or two vendors from each catagory.  I did my research beforehand, however, so by the time I met with a vendor I was really only confirming a decision I had already made.  Vendor catagories you will need to consider may include:
Venue
Caterer (food, drink, service)
Officiant
Photography
Band or DJ (may be different for ceremony and reception)
Cake
Florist
Invitations & other paper goods
Wedding Planner or Day-of Coordinator
Videography
Transportation
Bride's Dress
Groom's Attire
Wedding Rings
Favors
Rehearsal Dinner
Hair & Makeup for Bride/Bridal Party
Calligraphy
Accessories
Rentals

Figuring out what type of wedding you want to have and choosing your venue, date, and other vendors can be overwhelming, but if you do your research, take a deep breath, and remember to enjoy the planning process, you'll make it down the aisle with your fiancee' and your sanity, and you will have yourselves a beautiful day.

Where do I begin?

When you are first beginning to plan the design of your wedding, it can be very overwhelming. The day I got engaged, my maid of honor sent me a list of wedding blogs, and I was hooked instantly. Some of those blogs (Style Me Pretty, Snippet & Ink, Once Wed, Southern Weddings, etc.) are ones I still follow today and provided me with tons of wedding design inspiration. A tool that I saw on some of them was a collage of photos, sometimes called an inspiration board, that is used as the basis for the design of your wedding. I believe this is a great place to start your design inspiration.

Basically I just saved photos that I loved or pictures of elements I thought were inspiring. I had folders on my computer for florals, cakes, paper, dresses, hairstyles, wedding party attire, accessories, decor, and personal touches. Anytime I found things I loved I would save the photo in one of those folders. After a couple of months, I looked at these images, deleted ones I no longer loved or that didn't speak to me as much as the others, and then I designed my inspiration board.

Your inspiration board will probably change somewhat along the way, because your design will probably change as you begin to make your inspiration a reality. But the board provides you with something that you can always come back to and helps you keep your design cohesive.

I designed my own inspiration board using Picasa, because it is the only tool I had at the time. Any software that you have should let you make a collage.  Another great new tool is Style Me Pretty's Style Circle, where you can make inspiration boards, blog, chat, save favorites, and lots of other great things.  Head over there and sign up:  http://circle.stylemepretty.com/

Here is an example of an inspiration board I made for a contest on Style Me Pretty's site which would be a great inspiration board for an outdoor spring or summer wedding.  I love the effortlessly chic style:

Credits:

Top Row: Placecards, Lulu Paper from Snippet & Ink
http://snippetandink.blogspot.com/2009/07/board-401-lemon-and-sugar.html , Flowers: Katie Stoops of Open Air Photography http://www.thebridescafe.com/?postID=340&the-secret-garden
Lemon aisle: jose villa http://www.oncewed.com/13271/real-weddings-blog/real-weddings/daniel-laura-ii/
Middle Row: Hanging lanterns by Leigh Miller photography at http://www.stylemepretty.com/2008/06/18/real-wedding-by-duet-weddings-iii/ , Vera Wang gown from Look Book, Bouquet by Bellisima Vita Weddings on Snippet & Ink, http://snippetandink.blogspot.com/2009/07/board-401-lemon-and-sugar.html ,
Bottom Row, cake by K rose cakes at Snippet & Ink (same link as above), Table setting, Martha Stewart Weddings, http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/photogallery/outdoor-weddings lnc=6b1c139b22b1d110VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&rsc=lpg_inspiration&lpgStart=1¤tslide=16¤tChapter=2#ms-global-breadcrumbs, Florals, Katie Stoops from Open Air Photgraphy at http://www.thebridescafe.com/?postID=340&the-secret-garden